50 Years Old (Inner child remains 15!!!)

My 50th birthday has been spent completely differently to my 40th; the complete opposite in fact. Sober, happy, anxiety free, memory and dignity intact. On top of that, and, something of utmost importance to me, surrounded by my happy and worry free family, no longer worrying about “what is mum going to do in a drunken state”. 

From what my memory recalls I spent much of my 40th in a sobbing drunken mess, hating my life and wishing I was dead in the belief that I was worthless and everyone would be better off without me. The joys of depression and anxiety fuelled by alcohol and the constant social and marketing reminders that it’s ‘mummys little helper’ – (Is it f*#k – excuse my French but it makes my blood boil). For those of us who are and do struggle with daily life it is NOT anyone’s “helper”. (Other than those making a financial profit).

I know I’ve said this before but the joy of being reliable, dependable, sober me never seems to fade. Joy de vivre!

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