Back in 2014 I at last realised I needed to stop drinking. My life was a mess. You can’t keep dancing with the devil and wonder why you are still in hell. It was time to dance elsewhere and let the go of the booze.
It was a hard thing to do especially when there will always be a small part of me that will have fond memories, or is the euphoric recall? But life was not healthy and I wanted to spend the rest of my life dancing in sobriety, completely in control of any decisions I made, good or bad. Exhausted from all the lies, deceit, manipulation and effort involved in attempting to disguise my problem whilst continuing to feed the devil inside.
I was terrified of living without alcohol, function without alcohol. Alcohol was fuelling my depression leading me to thoughts of suicide. I was drinking on every emotion that you can name. My self esteem and confidence a thing of the past (or so I thought).
I may have changed my lifestyle permanently but I am still me. I still enjoy the great fun things in life, the difference is that I am fully functional during these fun times and have no regrets in the morning.
Days when I feel miserable, sad, argumentative or afraid are all now feelings I can deal with SOBER, knowing that they are REAL feelings and not those caused by drinking or helped by drinking.
Today I laugh, cry, celebrate, relax, am sociable, courageous in sobriety and I am proud of it. I never realised that I could laugh as hard sober! Overtime I have regained my self esteem, confidence and self respect.
Life is not perfect and there are days that I wake up feeling down, crap and fed up. BUT I love the sober me and waking up knowing that these feelings are ME not a substance that has caused a chemical imbalance to my brain.
Laughter is greater sober (and dancing!).