When I entered rehab I was an emotional wreck, so much so that I earnt the nickname of Tiny Tears, (Tiny because I’m small, Tears for obvious reasons). I’ve always been emotional but this was in a whole new league. I literally cried every single day, during every single therapy session for a whole 28 days.
It became clear whilst there that there was a huge amount of my past that I had stifled for so many years. It was like a massive thunder cloud and once the first drop of rain had escaped the cloud released all the rain, there were a few rumbles of thunder too.
My healing possess was a long, arduous, painful, exhausting (and wet) one; and took a good 12 months of therapy, kindness and patience, from others and myself. I was lucky to have such a fabulous support network. My husband tethered himself to me and our children like a safety harness – for which I shall be eternally grateful.
Recently I discovered the following passage, it could have been written for me because it describes my relationship with alcohol perfectly:-
I drank for happiness and became unhappy. I drank for joy and became miserable. I drank for sociability and became argumentative. I drank for sophistication and became obnoxious. I drank for friendship and made enemies. I drank for sleep and woke up tired. I drank for strength and felt weak. I drank for relaxation and got the shakes. I drank for courage and became afraid. I drank for confidence and became doubtful. I drank to make conversation easier and slurred my speech. I drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.
I am one of the lucky ones who has managed to rebuild their wreck. But the old wreck requires regular checks, I can ill afford to hit those rocks again and will do anything and everything it takes never to.