This morning I looked back over my file from when I was in rehab in 2014.
My diary entry for my first Sunday there says:
“Today I learned that I need to take control of my own happiness rather than letting others control it…..I have made progress today as it has suddenly occurred to me that I’m starting to quiet like myself and that there is light at the end of the tunnel…”.
Whilst there I realised that for as long as i could remember I had constantly been wanting approval, for things, my actions, feelings, emotions, my very being, from others. Desperate to please. Tormenting and blaming, myself if someone reacted negatively towards me, ridden with feelings of guilt. All this chipping away at my self-esteem and confidence; and ultimately exacerbated by the poisonous effects of alcohol on my brain.
It has taken a long time for me to let go and set myself free of the constant care, need, (and often control) of what others think, a good few years. When I think back the need was at times completely suffocating. It is so so liberating knowing and feeling that I am truly content and happy with ME!
Taking responsibility for my own happiness has freed me from other people’s control, remembering that others can only ever control my feelings if I let them.
Of course things happen in life that I have no control over but I can choose how I react, and deal with it, which in itself is liberating.
I’ve just read this and I love it : “You are responsible for your happiness. In fact, you create it. You attract it. You manifest it. You are the architect of your reality. You choose your thoughts, your perceptions, and your reaction to external forces. You possess all of the tools needed to expand your consciousness, to choose happiness, to choose love. You are that powerful. Create the life you deserve. Vibrate love.”
Stress, anxiety and depression can be caused by living to please others, and neglecting ourselves, and loving ourselves. Self-love isn’t vanity, or selfish, it means that you will only let people treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It is self-respect – Love Me or Hate Me it’s your choice, but I LOVE MYSELF!