Lost and Found

With the clocks moving forward and us losing an hour, it has had me reflecting on what I have lost during my years of drinking.

Not only time, precious moments with my children, the joy of being with them superseded by a compulsion to drink, but moments lost because I can’t remember them. What I’d give to relive those moments, and be able to store those precious memories. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful family, a family I came very close to loosing, a fact that can reduce me to tears if I dwell on it.  I can never undo the harm I caused them, all I can do is strive to be now what I should have been during those terrible few years.

I’ve lost friends, friends who I had cared for and who, I believed cared for me, and when these friends disconnected themselves from me it hurt, but after a long time spent feeling hurt I have put these feelings to bed. Let’s be honesty if I’d seen someone behaving the way I had at times, would I have been tolerant and forgiving towards them? Would I banish them from my life or at the very least try and avoid them?

The list of what I have found in my sobriety greatly exceeds what I lost through drink. My list:
1. Self-esteem
2. Confidence (most of the time!)
3. Self-respect
4. New friends, who will be life long friends
5. A deeper understanding of who I am
6. Contentment
7. Love of life
I could go on but I don’t want to send you all to sleep!

I have found and gained more than I have lost. Don’t get me wrong, my life isn’t a bed of roses, and still has some very difficult times. But, and it’s a massive, ginormous BUT, everything would be far far worse if I was still drinking.

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