Never mind the beast from the east – after a beasting at the gym this morning I am completely well and truly bush-whacked (I love that term!). Although, not as knackered (bush-whacked) as I used to be living under the alcohol beast. It was truly exhausting. Living with, not only the physical effects, but it was mentally exhausting with the constant lies and deceit. Trying to remember where I had hidden all my booze and empty bottles, living in permanent fear of me and ‘them’ being found out and my secret discovered. (Hilarious really because how difficult is it to spot a pissed person?). Towards the end I even had to write myself notes, because I knew the day would end in blackout, to remind myself the following morning of where I could locate all the hidden empties, and what drunken telephone calls and conversations I had had. Waking up was torture, the torment of knowing that I would end up repeating this again day after awful day.
People may say “how pathetic”, “how selfish”, “just stop” – all sentiments I too would have made before the demon had me under it’s control. When addiction has its hand tightly clasped around your throat it becomes part of your survival instincts, ensuring you know where your next drink is coming from. Alcohol, that had once been a pleasure and moreish, became as essential to life as breathing. Alcohol had patiently and slowly wormed it’s way into my brain and distorted its chemical messages. I was helplessly at its mercy, trapped and not knowing how to escape but knowing also that if I didn’t find away it would lead me to a slow self destructing death.
Wouldn’t it be marvellous if we could bottle sobriety and make it freely and readily available to everyone. Marketed and advertised in the way alcohol is – ‘Lets celebrate and raise a glass of sobriety’; ‘feeling sad drink sobriety’; ‘happy birthday open a bottle of sobriety’ and soon and so forth, I’m sure you get the idea.
So EVERYONE here’s to a wonderful sober day, (I’m holding up my cup of sobriety coffee)!