Waking up this morning to hear the sad news of the death of Stephen Hawking CBE it led me to think about our minds, how we take our intelligence very much for granted, and how easily our minds can be altered and destroyed by alcohol (and other abusive ‘substances’).
Stephen Hawking once said, ‘It would not be much of universe if it wasn’t home to the people you love.’ This is so true, heartbreakingly though if you are in the strangling grip of addiction those you love and cherish the most fade into insignificance, your mind distorted and full of thoughts of where and when you can have your next drink, prioritising the whole of your day.
It is a gradual process; like a thief in the night it slowly and patiently crept up on me and eventually began to take over my whole day. I began to think about drinking at lot and decided that as long as I didn’t start drinking before a certain time of night I was still in control of my consumption. However, alcohol is clever and before I knew it I was making excuses to drink earlier, convincing the children not to go to their clubs, pretending I felt unwell so couldn’t go to places and using people to take on my parental duties so that I could drink. Everything I became went against EVERYTHING I believed in and someone who I despised. When I didn’t drink I felt miserable and when I did drink I felt more miserable. Feelings of inadequacy, paranoia, guilt and insecurity, all exacerbated and fuelled by drink.
My universe is my home, filled with those I most cherish and love….. (I need to include my WhatsApp group, even though we don’t live under the same roof they mean the world to me).